Finances

Marriage is Not 50-50 ,Divorce is 50-50

Marriage has to be 100-100

It isn’t dividing everything in half but Giving it all, you’ve got `

_Dave Willis..org

When we take our wedding vows most of us promise “for better or for worse…for richer or for poorer”, which brings me to the topic of financial stress in your marriage. Many couples do not seem to be able to survive the phrase either richer or poorer, this is mainly due to a lack of money management skills pertaining to both parties.

Start talking about finances before you tie the knot, plan what you have in mind for future endeavors together, (buying your first home, or car and consolidating your assets). It is important to disclose whether you bring any debt into the marriage, do you owe on any accounts, do you have any loans, all this needs to be discussed and a plan put in place.

Do not play on one another’s emotions, and whatever you do, do not start blaming one another for your current state of affairs. It is easy to point a finger but this leads to a very unhealthy relationship further down the line, after all you want to build bridges not destroy what you have already nurtured and protected.

Have enough faith in your partner to discuss your demons, disclose your financial status, this may be a second marriage and you may have child support to pay, or you may be helping an elderly parent or helping adult children with tertiary education. All this needs to come out into the open. Once you have established what your monthly expenses are, work towards saving a portion every month.

Keeping secrets from your partner is a sure path to marital doom, hiding money (secret stash for a rainy day), or hiding the fact that you have debt is a fast-track to disaster as when the spouse eventually finds out, the trust is broken, sometimes never to be repaired.

Be transparent, forthright and honest with one another, and you will see that it will be far easier to get to the point of feeling comfortable enough to talk openly about money matters.

If however, the trust is broken it is very hard to believe in your partner going forward. So talk, talk, and talk again about everything financial that effects both of you.

After all there are two of you in the marriage and a burden shared is half the battle won. Learn to have financial chemistry with one another.

Work out a budget for the month, and put away something to save for a rainy-day. One never knows when the car may break down or one of you may incur extra medical expenses. Plan a weekly money meeting, where you discuss the monthly budget, are you on track within your allowable limit? Working out a budget may seem tedious, but having one will prevent any turmoil when one or both spouses are in the dark about where the money is going.

While we are on the subject of finances, do not forget to have a will drawn up, so that if anything happens to either one of you, the other party is financially looked after. Updating, or checking your beneficiaries every now and then is also advisable as you do not want to have created a tangled web for anyone to cope with once you are no longer on this earth.

Debt is the destroyer of many a marriage, it needs to be dealt with effectively and efficiently and as a matter of urgency. Cut it’s head off like the invisible serpent it really is. When you get married you are taking on your spouse’s debt as there are now two of you responsible for repayment. If you fall into the category of carrying debt over into your marriage, you may want to re-think a few things that pertain to the wedding day celebration itself. Do you need a huge reception? A small intimate celebration can be even more meaningful and at a much lower cost.

Once you are out of debt, move heaven and earth to stay out of debt, this alleviates so much stress in a marriage, living a debt-free life is healthy for you financially but also brings the two of you closer, as the strain of the burden of debt has been effectively lifted off your shoulders.

Take the time to write down your goals, both long term and financial, at what age would you like to retire? Do you run your own business and what are your business expectations in the market place going forward?

Discuss your bank accounts, do you prefer to have separate accounts or are you happy to consolidate and have only one?

Learn to count your blessings and see the positives outside of the finances as well, do free activities, take walks holding hands and find things to do that does not drain your finances. Do not be so frugal as to deprive yourselves of a movie night once in a while, or eating out at a restaurant. Pick a reasonably priced restaurant that won’t break the bank or the current month’s budget, or save towards a special evening out. The same goes for a special present, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and so forth, have a special savings fund, which you can dip into when needed, so as not to have a detrimental impact on the budget, and it does not leave you feeling guilty that you have depleted much needed monthly resources.

So future brides and grooms, put on your thinking caps and do what will alleviate the financial stress in your marriage going forward. Being debt free in your marriage and working on a budget will reap endless rewards for both of you, taking away the constant stress and worry regarding finances.

Life happens and things change, priorities shift, as time goes by, and you need to keep your eye on the financial ball, so to speak. The problems arise when couples forget to communicate with each other in terms of their own financial expectations and goals. So do not let finances become a nightmare, banish the negativity surrounding the subject and “walk the talk” and be proud that you can overcome any issue together by just facing your fear of financial chatter and seeing this as another stepping stone to a fulfilling and healthy marriage.

Essential Magazine Issue 18

Buy Now and Subscribe.